Today proved to be interesting. I went to a call of a possible SIDS case. I went to the call, and other than the initial shock of seeing a dead baby, I continued the incident without much else bothering me. I interviewed the mother and the people in the house, got information from the Paramedics and the Rescue Captain, contacted the Medical Examiner and helped them conduct their interview. (The parents spoke only Spanish) The Medical Examiner took the baby, complete with Bassinet and gave me a receipt for the property.

I went back to the station to write the report. That was taken care of in short order. The paperwork of death. Then the CIRT (Critical Incident Response Team) came out to debrief those of us that went to the incident. It was there while we were discussing what had happened and what types of feelings could be expected. It was there that I realized that I had repressed alot of negative feeling. In order to deal with the task at hand, in my mind I turned the baby into a doll. A stiff, blue, dead doll. I thought about the parents sitting at home, grieving…looking at the empty bassinet, the bottles of formula, left with the memories of their three short months together.

I feel for the family. This is something that is not easy for anyone. I hadn’t even thought about how my FTO was doing on the way back. I hadn’t thought that he was having any issues. But our meeting with CIRT made me realize that it had in fact hit him quite hard. I thought he was dealing with it the same way I had, just kinda pushed it out of the way.